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No, You can't come with me.

Updated: Jun 1, 2023

... very few exceptions apply.


Yes... that includes almost all of my good friends whom I love with all my heart. I will meet you along the way. We can have a drink, a meal, or even briefly travel together but you absolutely positively cannot join my trip. I value our relationship too much. Our travel styles don't mesh.

It's not you. It's me. I'm already in two committed travel relationships. I have a fear of further commitment. I've been hurt before. We're looking for different things. We are on different journeys. I'm really awful to live with, even on a temporary basis -- just ask my ex-husband! I just want to save you from ghosting me upon our return after discovering my many, many faults.

I like to meander. I am a nerd. I am a nerdy meanderer. It takes a long time to get through that museum, or hike, or to drive that scenic route. I will read every sign, photograph every bird, and stop at every viewpoint. I will sit and people-watch. I will listen to street performers for their entire set. I will always stop for artisan cheese. I only use GPS maps for suggested driving routes. I like getting lost.

I'll disturb your sleep in the mornings, never sleep in, and take "breaks" at the end of the day. I wake up early. I need an hour to have coffee, shower, and get all systems ready for my day. Unless my plan is for a lazy day, I'm ready to get out the door about the time that the business/travel world opens. I will stop in the late afternoon for a beverage, usually prosecco, and watch the world go by.

I'm soooooo boring.

I usually settle in for the night shortly after dinner. I catch up on emails and social media, edit photos and posts, read a book, do laundry, or plan the next day. I might go to a show, but not a nightclub. I am not going to take thousands of photos of you or me posing this way and that. I will go to nifty artisan shops, marketplaces, and the occasional tacky souvenir stall. You will not drag me into Prada, or The House of Bijan. I will climb every tower, ridiculous stairway, or hill. I won't eat breakfast. If I remember lunch, it will be grab and go, possibly McDonald's. (they always have free WIFI, clean bathrooms, and decent coffee). And I burp -- too often and too loudly.

I'm prepared to get snarky if you insist on "camping food". Dinner will always be a big deal. Time will be spent to prep, cook, eat, and clean up. I will enjoy the entire experience. There will be music on the bluetooth speaker, wine in a (plastic) glass, and, very likely, dancing. There is no need to eat boring food or to forgo dancing when camping. Baked beans with a hotdog on a stick will not be tolerated.



I will embarrass you. I pose with statues and I take every opportunity to dress up. I would insist you join in. I will take photos. I will very likely post them online.

Honestly, I like travelling alone. Really. I have very few people on my Approved Travel Buddy (ATB) List, those people who have a travel style that meshes with mine. I prefer to travel alone than with someone who wants a different experience. I don't want to wait and fit other people's schedules and rhythms. I'm totally fine with admitting that I am not prepared to make significant compromises. Solo traveller doesn't (always) mean Unloved Loner. If you aren't on The ATBL and you drop a hint that you want to join me on my next trip, I will smile and say something noncommittal. I'm really hoping that you'll drop the whole discussion, because the next three trips are already planned and it's not easy to squeeze in another person and match up the planning I've already done. If you are more direct, I will suggest meeting up as part of my longer journey. If you push beyond that, you may get sent the link to this post.


Everyone who likes, comments, becomes a member, shares a link or drags some other folks to this blog are automatically placed on my Approved Virtual Travel Buddy List (AVTBL)! Other cool benefits include my gratitude, and the exact same access to the same posts as anyone else who stumbles onto this page, except they probably thought they'd found some fusion jazz-country band.


 

Thanks for meandering with me! Let me know your thoughts about travelling solo or give me some feedback in the comments. Help the blog grow by sharing the link with a travelling friend. Become a member/subscriber (it's free!) to get notified of new content and access to our (women's) FB travel discussion group. *Note to commenters: For comments to show up with your name (rather than "guest"), you need to be logged in.




31 Comments


Guest
Jun 13, 2023

You are spot on Lyn, not only with highlighting the many benefits of solo travelling but also the (often) reactions to our quirks. It is indeed hard to find someone compatible to travel with and there is no shame in wanting to explore alone. I feel the older you get and know yourself inside out, the harder it gets to find that travel buddy.


Carolin | <a href="https://solotravelstory.com/">Solo Travel Story</a>

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Guest
Jun 07, 2023

I can very much relate to this post and these words. Not out of spite, but people should understand other people's space and to what extent they are or are not welcome, in this case well included in other people's plans. No one has to feel guilty for not wanting to travel with other people. More and more we need to demystify the issue that it is normal to want to be alone and do things on your own, without guilt! Angela - Home - Blonde Around The World

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Lyn (aka Jazz)
Lyn (aka Jazz)
Jun 08, 2023
Replying to

Bravo! You are absolutely right! We all need our own space -- some of us need more, some of us need less -- but it should always be respected.

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Guest
Jun 07, 2023

Haha this is great. I think we actually have similar travel styles, but even so I'm not sure we could make it work. I too like travelling solo, and even when I'm with someone I like to have breaks away when we do our own things. Like your post, I think it's so important that people are able to share honestly what they like and don't like to do so they can more easily travel together--if they want to! This is a good conversation-starter


- Melanie, Postcards & Places

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Lyn (aka Jazz)
Lyn (aka Jazz)
Jun 08, 2023
Replying to

Honest discussion is essential to having a good travel buddy. Anything else just creates resentment.


Sometimes it's much better for everyone to meet for dinner or just a weekend.

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Guest
Jun 04, 2023

Really enjoyed reading this! We've been together since we were students so have always travelled as a couple and - fortunately - our styles are identical, but we really relate to having the ability to travel just the way we want to. We would never dream of imposing but, if we happened to bump into you somewhere in the world, posing with a statue (yes, we have been known to do that too) or indulging in some artisan cheese, we might just say Hi! Mitch & Colin

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Lyn (aka Jazz)
Lyn (aka Jazz)
Jun 08, 2023
Replying to

You are indeed fortunate to have found your ideal mate and travel buddy in the same person! I would love to join you in statue-posing... and I never turn down artisan cheese!

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I. Chakib
I. Chakib
Jun 04, 2023

This was fun to read :) you don't sound boring to the slightest but I can totally relate to every word. Luckily my husband and I have similar travel styles and rarely disagree but none of my girlfriends would survive more than a weekend trip with me and I'm totally ok with that. I think it's ok to set boundaries and prioritise oneself and if they are good friends they'll understand and respect that.

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Lyn (aka Jazz)
Lyn (aka Jazz)
Jun 08, 2023
Replying to

It's so important for a couple to have similar travel styles -- and as a couple, you've already had the hard conversations. On the other hand, we often only hang out with our friends for relatively short periods of time while doing an activity and rarely have those conversations.

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